2013 – A Year Of Moving Past Limitations

BlueThe promise of a new year is juicy and exciting; a chance to examine what last year’s lessons were and move beyond the ones that we couldn’t quite leap over.  Life is like that every day though, if we could only remember as deeply as new year’s, that each new day is a fresh start.  And, I will go even deeper to say that every second, every moment, is only a thought away from taking a different road to a different (better!) destination.

I think it’s fair to say that most of us have beliefs that block a path  chocked with challenges and filled with opportunity to grow.  Boy, when you hit the wall blocking that path enough times, your determination takes a bruising!  You know what I mean?  After a while, it just gets annoying and the illusion of the limitation dissolves into the need to have the task done.  A good question to ask is:  How can I challenge myself with a fear so that I’m not enslaved by that fear anymore?  

One of my daughter’s friends is petrified of dogs.  When they were coming over to pick me up for an outing, I invited them in, specifically so the friend could come in to see the dog that lives with me.  I put the dog in her wire kennel and asked the young woman to come and see the dog.  She was brave and accepted.  Of course, she was a bit anxious, but knew she was safe with the dog behind a locked door.  It was a relatively neutral event.  Over time, I’ll have the dog closer and closer to her friend until she sees that not all dogs are scary or crazy!  How life changing will that be for her to not be afraid of dogs – they are everywhere!

We can use this analogy in our lives.  What can you slowly expose yourself to so that your fear diminishes in thin layers?!!!  I have my own list and will be moving through it.   : )

In the meantime, why not make a list of 3 fears that you’d like to neutralize this year and write down what it would mean to you if they were not there.  How would you be without that fear?  Who would you be without that fear!  Now, that creates a wonderful visual in your mind’s eye!  Taking tiny steps (or big ones!) will add up by the end of the year.  You can do it.  We all can do it!

Love & Blessings.

 

 

3 Ways To Neutralize Rejection So You Don’t Ever Have To Hesitate To Embrace What You Want In Life!

In the last post, I talked about our Divine nature as human beings – remembering that we are always more than the beliefs we carry around in the core of our hearts – many of which were false programming handed down, like a gooey virus, from one generation to the next.

One of the most difficult experiences we can go through as children or adults is being rejected.  I’ve certainly had my fair share of it, particularly in my quest for a mate.  It feels awful and most people go to great lengths to avoid it.  What if I told you there is a way to make some peace with rejection?  Would you like to know 3 ways to neutralize the sting of rejection and feel good about yourself again so you can lean into the kind of life you really want to live?

Most people have a good deal of experience with rejection throughout their lives.  Many experiences are rooted back into childhood, where we may have been left out by our tribe of friends or even chastised in such a way by our parents that we felt rejected and hurt.  The conscious sting of this subsides after a short period of time, but the subconscious imprint is still there and, each time we are rejected, it’s like we are experiencing all the rejections we’ve ever had – at once.  OUCH!!  That’s why it can feel so intense and something that will deter us from going for what we want in life.  That might be taking a step into an unknown realm in business, asking an amazing man or woman out on a date, or sharing a creative project with the world.

It’s hard to feel good about oneself when that kind of emotional wave is sliding through our heads, and hearts.  If it’s not addressed, fear of rejection can wither opportunities for growth, and opportunities to start a new life doing something we love, or being with someone we’re attracted to!  So, why not reclaim the right to approach each opportunity with a clean slate and a barely-discernible (or non-existent) level of fear?   Sounds good to me! 

Here are three thought processes to use when approaching something that takes courage, vulnerability and strength, but likely also leaves you open to rejection.  This is like building a muscle – but our dreams/desires are worth the effort!  

Here are your 3 R.N.’s – not registered nurses but Rejection Neutralizers, to buzz for help, when you feel like backing down from a challenge.

 

R.N. 1:  The Ring of Choice.  

Have you ever been out and met someone who you could tell was liking you up but you were getting an uneasy vibe from?  Maybe it’s just someone who totally didn’t fit your picture for a mate at all.  Maybe there’s just a hint of something in your intuitive field that tells you ‘no’ despite their pleasant demeanor or attractive appearance.  In that kind of situation, do you feel obliged to continue any further dialogue with him/her even though you are experiencing these feelings?  Of course not.  You are never obliged.  It is your right to say no for whatever reason.  The ring of choice here is that anyone else has the right to also feel that way toward you.  Some energies just don’t work well together and that’s okay – don’t take it personally!  Be curious, accept the risk and move forward.

 

R.N. 2:  The Ring of Spiritual Mystery

Coming from a spiritual perspective, I am going to refer back to the last blog post and our Divine natures and call in the R.N. of Spirit.  We do not have the answers to why certain events take place in life.  It seems that we are drawn to certain events in our lives to work through Soul lessons.  You may or may not believe in such things but it’s good to keep an open mind in life!  What if we are meant to work through certain events/situations with specific people and, if the person/experience we are drawn to is not in alignment with that, then ‘rejection’ of further interaction is what happens… all for our highest good?  Can we chalk this one up to mystery and just accept that Spirit moves in such ways – magnetizing or repelling us from certain situations – for which there is no logical explanation?  Sometimes, we are the repeller; sometimes, we are the repelled!

 

R.N. 3:  The Ring of Bold Assertion

This one is the nudger and, if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re already wearing this big, chunky one most of the time.  Designing and building a life requires bold decisions and the assertiveness to move forward in a fair and equitable way.  Now, how is it that we can be so bold in one area of life and not in another?  How can some of us build empires but not have the ability to ask an attractive woman/man out on a date, or vice-versa?  This is where we accept the nudge.  Wouldn’t it be great to mentally slide that ring on and approach the person with whatever kind of invitation you have in mind?  Making assumptions about their response is a fear-of-rejection reflex that we enslave ourselves with.  How about throwing off them shackles?!!  How do we know they won’t say yes?  Better to have asked than to always have wondered… what if?  If life is met with a “go for it” attitude in most areas of our lives, then why not make a commitment to open it to all of them?   The Bold ring is a juicy one – it starts with at least trying!

So, there you have the three Rejection Neutralizers to implement when hesitating over jumping in. 

 

Being the Divine essence that we all are, I will offer one more Bonus R.N.!!  This is The Ring of Light!  When standing in the full, bright power of the sun, the Light simply cannot be rejected – it’s too strong, too powerful and unfathomable as to how anything can damage it.  The core of us is that Light and we continue to shine no matter what cloud passes our way.  Having faith in that Divine nature makes these human interactions and experiences seem like dandelion fluff flying in the breeze!  We are more than we can ever imagine!  Be curious!  Be bold!

When the sting of past rejection surfaces, meet it with compassion.  It is so rare that someone in our lives really intends us harm.  Like many other people on the planet, our parents had filters that were not conscious and they did the best they could – our friends as well.  Forgive them by accepting the fact that we all have been rejected and we all have rejected others as well.  It is the human condition.

I hope you have found this component on rejection helpful and that, at some point, you can slip on a ring or two, or three, and move toward what you do want to have in life.  I’ll join you there, if you like, in the ring of contentment, fulfilment and joy!

Love and Blessings!

Nancy

Remembering Your Divine Nature….

It’s easy to forget our Divine nature when we’ve been through a lot of trauma, abuse, and steep life challenges but it’s still there, shining behind the thoughts we think about those experiences – many of which were just not true.  Someone does something and we believe we have the only logical explanation for their actions… let a similar experience happen a couple more times and we might just start believing that there is something wrong with us.  But, what if the assumptions were all wrong?  What if we ended up forming a false, limiting belief?  What if much of what we’ve seen/learned is through all the recycled beliefs that our parents acquired when they were trying to make sense of their own lives?  And how about the plethora that society bombards us with daily?

Underneath the issues we all carry is a Divine force so many of us find ourselves intermittently disconnected from throughout our lives.  Some are fortunate and diligently practice ‘keeping the plug in.’  Sometimes, life holds experiences that are so devastating that we go deep into the pain until it is repressed, or healed.  These difficult life experiences can cause us to look long and hard at how we see ourselves and who we are in the world.  

As uncomfortable as it is, taking time to look under this rug of wonders is a good thing because it can totally transform how we live life.  I know from my own experience that the dissonance has been a call to come home again and live into the present me.

Check out the video I made highlighting some thoughts on this journey – a warrior’s journey – back to find the Truth of one’s heart and spirit, and remembering our innate, infinite Divine nature..

If you would like to complete some worksheets on the same topic, feel free to download them here:  … Remembering Your True Divine Nature

 

 

 

Feel free to leave any comments below!  

Love & Blessings,

Nancy

Two Roads For Fear – Which One Is Resonating Most?

Fear – our world is ripe with it.  There is no one I have ever met that does not deal with it on a regular basis.  Fear will slow down or completely halt a person on their daring journey to something greater.  And, journey to something greater can include a career, parenthood, a budding soul mate partnership, reversing generations of oppression, and more. It is helpful to know what kind of fear is slamming at us, so that we can work through either the mind fear (pachad) or the growth fear (yirah) that is inevitably part of our journey.  The greater the fear, the greater the path, the slower the journey (sometimes), but the bigger the reward.

Everyone is different – what scares the heck out of you might be something that doesn’t bother me in the least.  Just remember that people often hold fear for a really good reason – it’s just that it’s often from an old pattern and not really rational or helpful anymore.  When we see that, we can let go faster.

If all life is sacred, then we must honour the processes we morph through in life, and the processes of others as well.   I liked this video because it honours (instead of dis-owns/shames) the natural process of fear.  Enjoy!


Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

May we boldly go where we haven’t gone before!
Nancy

Going Deeper: Love and Compassion Are Life Keys

Love and compassion do not drain us, they deepens us. Are you okay with going deeper… and expanding your heart?

For close to 3 years, I volunteered in Palliative Care at my (then) local hospital. We were instructed to serve the patients – help them with what they might need/want. The medical staff took care of any medical issues, of course, like moving someone or adjusting a medical device; the volunteers brought drinks, read books aloud, or helped with a task the patient might not be able to complete on his/her own. Most of the people were conscious when I was there and, sometimes, family members were also present.

Sometimes I would give them a foot massage or quietly sing songs that might comfort them or bring back a fond memory. This is such a special space to share with someone because there was always a sense that that person could leave life at any moment. It was incredibly expanding and a deep, deep privilege to help in this way. All expectations dropped – the room was filled with Love and compassion – compassion for that person’s journey toward the final leg of life as we know it and the dissolve of all their life experiences into the big mystery…. what must they be thinking or feeling as they made peace with this “ending” inside themselves?

I wish we all could tap into that place with each other – a place of reverence. If we could, perhaps we would see each other with a deeper sense of appreciation for the life that flows through all of us – and how precious and fragile it is.

Enjoy the video…

Namaste,
Nancy

It’s Sometimes Necessary To Pass Alone

Recently, I heard a woman expressing her heartbreak around her mother’s passing.  It was difficult enough to lose her mother, but a lot of pain was coming from the fact that she was not present when her mother passed.  She had stepped away to get something to eat and her mom passed while she was out of the room.  This is a huge source of grief for people and I want to lend another perspective so it might lighten your heart if you ever have to go through this.

Several years back, a friend of mine was married to the love of her life.  They were married for over two decades and finished each other’s sentences.  For a while, he worked in a mine – and his time there would be the source of a lethal illness that developed not long after.

When he was diagnosed with cancer, she was there for him.  Night by night, she stayed by his side, never leaving – but it began to take a toll on her.  She told the on-duty nurse that she would take the bed they had offered in the other wing but didn’t leave until they assured her that they would call her if there was any change in his condition.  She laid her head down on the pillow and fell into a deep sleep.  Around 4 a.m., she awoke with a bad feeling and hurried back to her husband’s ward only to find that he had passed while she was sleeping.  I cannot tell you all the pain she went through from not being there with him.

The thing about this heart-wrenching circumstance is that it happens often – the part where the loved one passes when they are alone.  Sometimes, people just cannot pass if their loved ones ARE present.  They may not be able to handle the grief their family/friends feel, the tension of letting go, or their own struggle with having to say goodbye – from this world, from the people they love dearly.

It’s hard enough to see a loved one pass but to endure even more pain because you feel that you did something wrong (abandoned them) is further damage to an already-hurting heart.  It’s easy to think – bad time to leave – should have slept in the chair again that night – should have booked an earlier flight out… but please stop to consider that the person passing may need to pass alone, it’s not personal and no one did anything wrong – they just need to go that way.

I hope that, if you or someone you care about, ever has this experience, you will find comfort in a different way of looking at these things.

Love,
Nancy

2011 – What It Could Be


Well, we are beginning a new year and I have to say that 2010 was filled with a lot of ……… experiential learning, so while it was NOT a particularly easy year (some of it really sucked), it was tasted, lived and learned.  I am thinking of calling 2010 my year of NO (…and, thus, KNOW) because of all the no’s I received and the no’s I ended up saying to myself!  Each experience holds a silver lining, a life lesson, so I will say there were many in the last year.

And 2011?  Well, it could be shaped into a productive, prosperous, happy, healthy and Loving year – or not.  I choose door #1 – the not-so-easy door.  Why?  Because it means being a lot more vulnerable.  Everybody starts off from a different point in life.  Some of us were steeped in a healthy, Loving and supportive environment but, unfortunately, most of us were not.  Part of the reason why we don’t live as fully as we could is the residue that remains, even after all those years.  Holding back comes from fear(s) – and, often, clusters of them, uniquely tailored from our own experiences, disappointments, and pain.  With that in mind, it is hard to be really vulnerable, but as the following excellent TED talk by Brene Brown explains, it is the key that opens the doors to a fuller life.  Have a listen and give it some thought.  Leave a comment if you like.


Thanks for stopping in!

Sprinkling some Love,

Nancy  : )


Do You Know Your Rights?

Be The Change.....

Last week-end I had a rare opportunity to participate in an assertiveness training workshop and it was such an eye opener!  I highly recommend this kind of training to everyone because we often forget how to really communicate with each other about our wants and needs, or to help others express theirs to us.  The course was small – only 3 participants (including yours truly) – and the teacher was wonderful.  Dr. Dan Sydiaha has decades of teaching experience and is an expert at delivering the material.  What a great opportunity to attend, particularly with these class dynamics.

It is astoundingly common that most people do NOT know their rights, and if you don’t know them, you can’t own them.  It’s not like most of us have never read them.  On the contrary, I had read them long ago but there is something about timing that allows the “right” information, at the “right” time, to really permeate one’s consciousness, particularly through this kind of experiential learning.

Being in chronic situations where one is asking over and over again for something (a need, a right) and not having it acknowledged, respected or fulfilled can really jump the needle up on the stress-o-meter. Also, having been in a work-place where bullying was going on, I can attest to how badly these skills are needed right now – in order for people to function at peak levels.  Being in unhealthy situations can really wear one’s Spirit down and re-owning one’s rights can act as an empowering re-set point.

Here is a link for you to learn, or reacquaint yourself, with your personal rights… click HERE. Take your time and focus on reading each one and how you feel after you’ve finished the list.

Consider how many times in one day yours were transgressed, or that you may have transgressed someone else’s.

This is a local act, with global implications!  Think of some of history’s leaders who completely obliterated the rights of thousands/millions of people – what if they had been respected as children and taught to respect others’ rights as well?  In Rwanda, 800,000 people were murdered in one month, Cambodia’s Khemer Rouge, led by Paul Pot, murdered two million people and I don’t have to remind you about Hitler.  Yes, I consider it — that far reaching — so if we want to be the change – we must take responsibility for that and learn — role model this to/for our children and all the world’s children.  Life is easier when we do not oppress ourselves, or others!

Know Your Rights!  Click here to read them!

Here’s to a healthier world!

Love,

Nancy

Communication and Compassion is the bridge

I believe, in this life, we are meant to build bridges in this world, bridges to each other, through our hearts.  We go through our lives and most of us end up with a few protective walls or with losses, wounds or scars that run deep.  It’s no wonder there is so much conflict in the world; we are all sensitive creatures.  The missing link is compassion and communication.  What if we could just relax a bit and really try to hear what the other person is saying?

We all have different styles of communicating and this is tinted by our particular walls and wounds, in general, and, if applicable, specifically with that person. We also all live by different values and principles.  The only way to make anything better is to speak your Truth.

I had an incident this week that was rather enlightening which will help to illustrate my point.  Because this friend of mine communicates differently than I, I misinterpreted (for a long time) what his silence meant.  For me, my learned pattern was that silence was not a great thing – it usually implied anger and rejection.  Using this old template, I interpreted my friend’s silence in the same way, and my interpretation manifested as a sadness in my heart that I carried around with me.  Sadness came from caring about/for this person and feeling the ditch of misunderstanding between us.  How interesting when a door opens a little!  The wonderful thing about communication is that it leads to understanding of not only the other person, but of ourselves and where we jump when there is something we don’t fully understand.

I could never quite totally “get” the “theory” that people would share with me about feelings being a choice one makes, but they are if there is a willingness to see what filters are bending an event.  For me, they were old filters.  Seeing this clearly allowed me to release it.

When we communicate with each other, we come to see that we are mirrors for each other.  What are we creating within ourselves and with those we care about?  Here is a neat video that touches on some of these issues and goes a little further.  I’m sorry that it ends a little abruptly but you can access the next one on Youtube; watch for the link.  (cont’d…below)


I am doing a lot of releasing work right now. I am grateful for all the insights this is bringing me and I will be posting further on this.

Thank you for reading along and, as always, I wish you a bright and beautiful day!

Love,
Nancy 🙂

Thank you to all those who let their Light shine!

So, Who are you?


At some point in our lives, most of us have stopped to wonder…”Who am I?”  I don’t mean what you do, if you have a six pack or knew Tupac, who you’re married to or who you slept with, if you had a zillion-dollar mansion, tons of toys, and 24Kt gold faucets… I mean – if you took all the “stuff” away – would you be okay?  At the core, would you still feel tall, strong, worthwhile and Loving/Loveable?

I subscribe to Neale Donald Walsch’s daily notes.  I love them because, often, they are succinct and spot on with something I am feeling or thinking about.   Here is a note I received recently….

On this day of your life, Nancy, I believe God wants you to know…

…that you are loved on this day for all the wonder that you bring to your world with the gift of being you.

Hard to believe, isn’t it, that you are that special in the eyes of God? Yet you are–and not because of what you have done, but because of who you are. You are God’s own creation, an expression of Divinity in human form.  The fastest way to experience this is to be the vehicle through which others sees it in themselves. Each person is walking his or her path and doing his or her best. God knows this and that is why God loves you all.

Sometimes, we need little nudges to remind us that we are Loving, spiritual Beings and not just physical bodies climbing up Maslow’s pyramid.  We need to remember that the mere chance of our existence is so miniscule as to be the near equivalent of a microscopic dust particle in the entirety of Universes we are, at present, aware of… and there will be many more unveiled in years to come, I am sure.  Just to be conceived is a sheer miracle.  When we pass, our Spirit leaves the body and travels on somewhere else.  Who were we while we were here?  What did we stand for?  What moved our hearts that we made better?  Who did we Love?  What was beautiful to us?

Think about that.  No matter what people may have said about you, in their non-understanding, it is imperative to hold your True, Spiritual self at the core of your heart.   Leave the tags and labels behind – they are meant to discourage and sink you – hold God’s mirror to your heart and go experience why you are here.  It may be to touch one life, millions of lives or to evolutionize your own.

And, for the record, please know that when I speak of God, I know there are many, many names used through all the belief systems – please fill in the blank with what you choose, if any!

If you are interested in daily spiritual nuggets, you can check out Neale’s site:  http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com/index.php?p=Signup

Love,

Nancy