Going Deeper: Love and Compassion Are Life Keys

Love and compassion do not drain us, they deepens us. Are you okay with going deeper… and expanding your heart?

For close to 3 years, I volunteered in Palliative Care at my (then) local hospital. We were instructed to serve the patients – help them with what they might need/want. The medical staff took care of any medical issues, of course, like moving someone or adjusting a medical device; the volunteers brought drinks, read books aloud, or helped with a task the patient might not be able to complete on his/her own. Most of the people were conscious when I was there and, sometimes, family members were also present.

Sometimes I would give them a foot massage or quietly sing songs that might comfort them or bring back a fond memory. This is such a special space to share with someone because there was always a sense that that person could leave life at any moment. It was incredibly expanding and a deep, deep privilege to help in this way. All expectations dropped – the room was filled with Love and compassion – compassion for that person’s journey toward the final leg of life as we know it and the dissolve of all their life experiences into the big mystery…. what must they be thinking or feeling as they made peace with this “ending” inside themselves?

I wish we all could tap into that place with each other – a place of reverence. If we could, perhaps we would see each other with a deeper sense of appreciation for the life that flows through all of us – and how precious and fragile it is.

Enjoy the video…

Namaste,
Nancy

Mind Your Mind, Your Spirit, and Your Body

Glowing Heart Lotus

 
 

 

 

I’ve been through a lot of tests/lessons in my life, some of which I  wondered how (and even if) I would make it through them.  Undoubtedly, you have too.  Loss of the people we love can trigger old grief, unhealed, dangling events from childhood that call for attention.  There are so many layers in life that emerge as we grow.  I think they only come when they come because that is when we can deal with them.  If we don’t address them then, they will emerge again, until that layer is resolved.  The best we can do is feel them, understand them, let them speak to us and give to ourselves the very thing that was probably wasn’t present when they occurred:  compassion and Love.  Excellent investment = a journal. Write, write, write – even if it’s a sentence or two each day!

  

In The Nice Girl Syndrome, by Brenda Engel, there is an exercise asking the reader to list all the areas where one’s parents were neglectful.  Not being aware/conscious of these areas can cause repeated reinactments in one’s life, to resolve the pain.  After listing these areas, the next step is to do these items on the list – for yourself, now.  So, if you felt neglected because you always got the hand-me-downs in your family, then make a conscious effort to buy new things (if that’s do-able).  If you felt neglected because one or both of your parents seldom/never said “I Love You”, then tell yourself  “I Love You” in the mirror every night.  Say it until you see your face soften and you really feel it.  I’ve done it.  It feels weird at first, but it does work to soften the heart.  In what ways did you miss out?  Did you miss out on being allowed to freely express your feelings?  Do it now.  Start with the safe people in your life and take small steps, but keep this in mind – we were socialized as women to be nice, good and never get angry (oh my!) – it is your perfect right to feel what you feel.  I highly recommend Brenda’s book (above) for some great insights.
 
 
If you can use this tool for your childhood issues, then why not use it in your adult life as well?  What things are missing from your life now?  How can you give them to yourself?  For instance, maybe your list includes an issue of being lonely.  A solution might be to volunteer at a hospital or take up a hobby that you really enjoy.  With the latter, investing time in the things we love to do scatters lonliness to the wind.  For me, some favourites include reading, painting, and hiking. What do you love to do that you are so pleasurably absorbed in that you lose track of time?
 

In the meantime, it’s easy to get off track with exercisingbecause the mind/emotions are so engaged, but it’s important to feel strong and flexible.  I did an amazing dvd yesterday and wanted to recommend it to you because it is so free-ing to do it!  Click on the link to find some info. on it…  Shiva Rae – Yoga Trance Dance.  Good stuff if you like to dance and like yoga, but you’re not at the hard-core toes in your ears level yet! : ))  I also find that investing a bit of time to move my body helps me to make better, healthier choices later on.  In what ways do you support your body, your temple? 

Love, 

Nancy  : )

Communication and Compassion is the bridge

I believe, in this life, we are meant to build bridges in this world, bridges to each other, through our hearts.  We go through our lives and most of us end up with a few protective walls or with losses, wounds or scars that run deep.  It’s no wonder there is so much conflict in the world; we are all sensitive creatures.  The missing link is compassion and communication.  What if we could just relax a bit and really try to hear what the other person is saying?

We all have different styles of communicating and this is tinted by our particular walls and wounds, in general, and, if applicable, specifically with that person. We also all live by different values and principles.  The only way to make anything better is to speak your Truth.

I had an incident this week that was rather enlightening which will help to illustrate my point.  Because this friend of mine communicates differently than I, I misinterpreted (for a long time) what his silence meant.  For me, my learned pattern was that silence was not a great thing – it usually implied anger and rejection.  Using this old template, I interpreted my friend’s silence in the same way, and my interpretation manifested as a sadness in my heart that I carried around with me.  Sadness came from caring about/for this person and feeling the ditch of misunderstanding between us.  How interesting when a door opens a little!  The wonderful thing about communication is that it leads to understanding of not only the other person, but of ourselves and where we jump when there is something we don’t fully understand.

I could never quite totally “get” the “theory” that people would share with me about feelings being a choice one makes, but they are if there is a willingness to see what filters are bending an event.  For me, they were old filters.  Seeing this clearly allowed me to release it.

When we communicate with each other, we come to see that we are mirrors for each other.  What are we creating within ourselves and with those we care about?  Here is a neat video that touches on some of these issues and goes a little further.  I’m sorry that it ends a little abruptly but you can access the next one on Youtube; watch for the link.  (cont’d…below)


I am doing a lot of releasing work right now. I am grateful for all the insights this is bringing me and I will be posting further on this.

Thank you for reading along and, as always, I wish you a bright and beautiful day!

Love,
Nancy 🙂

Thank you to all those who let their Light shine!

*Thoughts on the Journey of Transcending Challenges


Honouring Our Pain

Pain. It certainly is a four-lettered word. We have all been squeamish with it and most of us avoid it as best we can, but what if we can look at it from a different angle? What if we looked at all events in life as a page or a chapter of learning? Pain is no different.  It is designed to teach us something – not just us either but, hopefully, those around us as well.

I remember a particular event in my life where I felt like Pandora’s Box had been opened – so many repressed feelings from childhood trauma seemed to be percolating up and out, all at once. People did not understand – even I did not fully understand all the pain I was feeling – but I can tell you that I was glad that it was on its way out.  If not, what  happens to such energy if it is not released?  I think this is where we’d get into some serious health problems.   “When going through hell, keep going.” (Winston Churchill)    Also vital to the process is a support network along the way.

Some people in my life did not understand at all and could not support me.  It makes sense though – it is hard to witness/support another when that person has repressed their own pain and are just were not capable of holding a safe/supportive space for another. “Get over it” and “Just put it behind you” are not supportive thoughts – if the person could, they simply would.  In trying to convey to others, I did find a good analogy…

Deeply painful moments are like putting our hands on a cast iron frying pan that is sitting on top of the large element, set to “high”.  After a few minutes, the pan is very hot and glowing red from so much heat. Imagine one’s hands are on the surface of the pan for about ten seconds – you can imagine what that would create. After peeling one’s hands off of the pan, there’s probably some flailing around, screaming and attempts to soothe them. This kind of pain is no different from intense emotional pain and yet you would never think of telling anyone to “get over it” in a physical situation. There is such a gap between the mental/emotional realm and the physical realm, in terms of public perception. People just need support and tools to “get over it” or “just put it behind you”.

We have to be okay with letting others move through their pain by acknowledging that everything is a teacher.  The best we can do is affirm our love for that person and be there for him/her while remaining cognizant of our own needs.

Our society seems pretty feeling-challenged. In other words, certain emotions are okay but others are not.  I hardly have to touch on the positive side of the spectrum – there’s not much to say because this is generally pretty pleasant.   We are socialized to keep the ‘negative’ emotions at bay.  How was your sadness or tears met at home? Was this welcomed or did you have to stuff it?

By honouring our feelings, and those of others, we enrich our lives and deepen the wells of compassion, empathy and growth in the world.  I think there’s a good deal of room available to expand on this!