3 Ways To Neutralize Rejection So You Don’t Ever Have To Hesitate To Embrace What You Want In Life!

In the last post, I talked about our Divine nature as human beings – remembering that we are always more than the beliefs we carry around in the core of our hearts – many of which were false programming handed down, like a gooey virus, from one generation to the next.

One of the most difficult experiences we can go through as children or adults is being rejected.  I’ve certainly had my fair share of it, particularly in my quest for a mate.  It feels awful and most people go to great lengths to avoid it.  What if I told you there is a way to make some peace with rejection?  Would you like to know 3 ways to neutralize the sting of rejection and feel good about yourself again so you can lean into the kind of life you really want to live?

Most people have a good deal of experience with rejection throughout their lives.  Many experiences are rooted back into childhood, where we may have been left out by our tribe of friends or even chastised in such a way by our parents that we felt rejected and hurt.  The conscious sting of this subsides after a short period of time, but the subconscious imprint is still there and, each time we are rejected, it’s like we are experiencing all the rejections we’ve ever had – at once.  OUCH!!  That’s why it can feel so intense and something that will deter us from going for what we want in life.  That might be taking a step into an unknown realm in business, asking an amazing man or woman out on a date, or sharing a creative project with the world.

It’s hard to feel good about oneself when that kind of emotional wave is sliding through our heads, and hearts.  If it’s not addressed, fear of rejection can wither opportunities for growth, and opportunities to start a new life doing something we love, or being with someone we’re attracted to!  So, why not reclaim the right to approach each opportunity with a clean slate and a barely-discernible (or non-existent) level of fear?   Sounds good to me! 

Here are three thought processes to use when approaching something that takes courage, vulnerability and strength, but likely also leaves you open to rejection.  This is like building a muscle – but our dreams/desires are worth the effort!  

Here are your 3 R.N.’s – not registered nurses but Rejection Neutralizers, to buzz for help, when you feel like backing down from a challenge.

 

R.N. 1:  The Ring of Choice.  

Have you ever been out and met someone who you could tell was liking you up but you were getting an uneasy vibe from?  Maybe it’s just someone who totally didn’t fit your picture for a mate at all.  Maybe there’s just a hint of something in your intuitive field that tells you ‘no’ despite their pleasant demeanor or attractive appearance.  In that kind of situation, do you feel obliged to continue any further dialogue with him/her even though you are experiencing these feelings?  Of course not.  You are never obliged.  It is your right to say no for whatever reason.  The ring of choice here is that anyone else has the right to also feel that way toward you.  Some energies just don’t work well together and that’s okay – don’t take it personally!  Be curious, accept the risk and move forward.

 

R.N. 2:  The Ring of Spiritual Mystery

Coming from a spiritual perspective, I am going to refer back to the last blog post and our Divine natures and call in the R.N. of Spirit.  We do not have the answers to why certain events take place in life.  It seems that we are drawn to certain events in our lives to work through Soul lessons.  You may or may not believe in such things but it’s good to keep an open mind in life!  What if we are meant to work through certain events/situations with specific people and, if the person/experience we are drawn to is not in alignment with that, then ‘rejection’ of further interaction is what happens… all for our highest good?  Can we chalk this one up to mystery and just accept that Spirit moves in such ways – magnetizing or repelling us from certain situations – for which there is no logical explanation?  Sometimes, we are the repeller; sometimes, we are the repelled!

 

R.N. 3:  The Ring of Bold Assertion

This one is the nudger and, if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re already wearing this big, chunky one most of the time.  Designing and building a life requires bold decisions and the assertiveness to move forward in a fair and equitable way.  Now, how is it that we can be so bold in one area of life and not in another?  How can some of us build empires but not have the ability to ask an attractive woman/man out on a date, or vice-versa?  This is where we accept the nudge.  Wouldn’t it be great to mentally slide that ring on and approach the person with whatever kind of invitation you have in mind?  Making assumptions about their response is a fear-of-rejection reflex that we enslave ourselves with.  How about throwing off them shackles?!!  How do we know they won’t say yes?  Better to have asked than to always have wondered… what if?  If life is met with a “go for it” attitude in most areas of our lives, then why not make a commitment to open it to all of them?   The Bold ring is a juicy one – it starts with at least trying!

So, there you have the three Rejection Neutralizers to implement when hesitating over jumping in. 

 

Being the Divine essence that we all are, I will offer one more Bonus R.N.!!  This is The Ring of Light!  When standing in the full, bright power of the sun, the Light simply cannot be rejected – it’s too strong, too powerful and unfathomable as to how anything can damage it.  The core of us is that Light and we continue to shine no matter what cloud passes our way.  Having faith in that Divine nature makes these human interactions and experiences seem like dandelion fluff flying in the breeze!  We are more than we can ever imagine!  Be curious!  Be bold!

When the sting of past rejection surfaces, meet it with compassion.  It is so rare that someone in our lives really intends us harm.  Like many other people on the planet, our parents had filters that were not conscious and they did the best they could – our friends as well.  Forgive them by accepting the fact that we all have been rejected and we all have rejected others as well.  It is the human condition.

I hope you have found this component on rejection helpful and that, at some point, you can slip on a ring or two, or three, and move toward what you do want to have in life.  I’ll join you there, if you like, in the ring of contentment, fulfilment and joy!

Love and Blessings!

Nancy

Going Deeper: Love and Compassion Are Life Keys

Love and compassion do not drain us, they deepens us. Are you okay with going deeper… and expanding your heart?

For close to 3 years, I volunteered in Palliative Care at my (then) local hospital. We were instructed to serve the patients – help them with what they might need/want. The medical staff took care of any medical issues, of course, like moving someone or adjusting a medical device; the volunteers brought drinks, read books aloud, or helped with a task the patient might not be able to complete on his/her own. Most of the people were conscious when I was there and, sometimes, family members were also present.

Sometimes I would give them a foot massage or quietly sing songs that might comfort them or bring back a fond memory. This is such a special space to share with someone because there was always a sense that that person could leave life at any moment. It was incredibly expanding and a deep, deep privilege to help in this way. All expectations dropped – the room was filled with Love and compassion – compassion for that person’s journey toward the final leg of life as we know it and the dissolve of all their life experiences into the big mystery…. what must they be thinking or feeling as they made peace with this “ending” inside themselves?

I wish we all could tap into that place with each other – a place of reverence. If we could, perhaps we would see each other with a deeper sense of appreciation for the life that flows through all of us – and how precious and fragile it is.

Enjoy the video…

Namaste,
Nancy

It’s Sometimes Necessary To Pass Alone

Recently, I heard a woman expressing her heartbreak around her mother’s passing.  It was difficult enough to lose her mother, but a lot of pain was coming from the fact that she was not present when her mother passed.  She had stepped away to get something to eat and her mom passed while she was out of the room.  This is a huge source of grief for people and I want to lend another perspective so it might lighten your heart if you ever have to go through this.

Several years back, a friend of mine was married to the love of her life.  They were married for over two decades and finished each other’s sentences.  For a while, he worked in a mine – and his time there would be the source of a lethal illness that developed not long after.

When he was diagnosed with cancer, she was there for him.  Night by night, she stayed by his side, never leaving – but it began to take a toll on her.  She told the on-duty nurse that she would take the bed they had offered in the other wing but didn’t leave until they assured her that they would call her if there was any change in his condition.  She laid her head down on the pillow and fell into a deep sleep.  Around 4 a.m., she awoke with a bad feeling and hurried back to her husband’s ward only to find that he had passed while she was sleeping.  I cannot tell you all the pain she went through from not being there with him.

The thing about this heart-wrenching circumstance is that it happens often – the part where the loved one passes when they are alone.  Sometimes, people just cannot pass if their loved ones ARE present.  They may not be able to handle the grief their family/friends feel, the tension of letting go, or their own struggle with having to say goodbye – from this world, from the people they love dearly.

It’s hard enough to see a loved one pass but to endure even more pain because you feel that you did something wrong (abandoned them) is further damage to an already-hurting heart.  It’s easy to think – bad time to leave – should have slept in the chair again that night – should have booked an earlier flight out… but please stop to consider that the person passing may need to pass alone, it’s not personal and no one did anything wrong – they just need to go that way.

I hope that, if you or someone you care about, ever has this experience, you will find comfort in a different way of looking at these things.

Love,
Nancy

Mind Your Mind, Your Spirit, and Your Body

Glowing Heart Lotus

 
 

 

 

I’ve been through a lot of tests/lessons in my life, some of which I  wondered how (and even if) I would make it through them.  Undoubtedly, you have too.  Loss of the people we love can trigger old grief, unhealed, dangling events from childhood that call for attention.  There are so many layers in life that emerge as we grow.  I think they only come when they come because that is when we can deal with them.  If we don’t address them then, they will emerge again, until that layer is resolved.  The best we can do is feel them, understand them, let them speak to us and give to ourselves the very thing that was probably wasn’t present when they occurred:  compassion and Love.  Excellent investment = a journal. Write, write, write – even if it’s a sentence or two each day!

  

In The Nice Girl Syndrome, by Brenda Engel, there is an exercise asking the reader to list all the areas where one’s parents were neglectful.  Not being aware/conscious of these areas can cause repeated reinactments in one’s life, to resolve the pain.  After listing these areas, the next step is to do these items on the list – for yourself, now.  So, if you felt neglected because you always got the hand-me-downs in your family, then make a conscious effort to buy new things (if that’s do-able).  If you felt neglected because one or both of your parents seldom/never said “I Love You”, then tell yourself  “I Love You” in the mirror every night.  Say it until you see your face soften and you really feel it.  I’ve done it.  It feels weird at first, but it does work to soften the heart.  In what ways did you miss out?  Did you miss out on being allowed to freely express your feelings?  Do it now.  Start with the safe people in your life and take small steps, but keep this in mind – we were socialized as women to be nice, good and never get angry (oh my!) – it is your perfect right to feel what you feel.  I highly recommend Brenda’s book (above) for some great insights.
 
 
If you can use this tool for your childhood issues, then why not use it in your adult life as well?  What things are missing from your life now?  How can you give them to yourself?  For instance, maybe your list includes an issue of being lonely.  A solution might be to volunteer at a hospital or take up a hobby that you really enjoy.  With the latter, investing time in the things we love to do scatters lonliness to the wind.  For me, some favourites include reading, painting, and hiking. What do you love to do that you are so pleasurably absorbed in that you lose track of time?
 

In the meantime, it’s easy to get off track with exercisingbecause the mind/emotions are so engaged, but it’s important to feel strong and flexible.  I did an amazing dvd yesterday and wanted to recommend it to you because it is so free-ing to do it!  Click on the link to find some info. on it…  Shiva Rae – Yoga Trance Dance.  Good stuff if you like to dance and like yoga, but you’re not at the hard-core toes in your ears level yet! : ))  I also find that investing a bit of time to move my body helps me to make better, healthier choices later on.  In what ways do you support your body, your temple? 

Love, 

Nancy  : )

Communication and Compassion is the bridge

I believe, in this life, we are meant to build bridges in this world, bridges to each other, through our hearts.  We go through our lives and most of us end up with a few protective walls or with losses, wounds or scars that run deep.  It’s no wonder there is so much conflict in the world; we are all sensitive creatures.  The missing link is compassion and communication.  What if we could just relax a bit and really try to hear what the other person is saying?

We all have different styles of communicating and this is tinted by our particular walls and wounds, in general, and, if applicable, specifically with that person. We also all live by different values and principles.  The only way to make anything better is to speak your Truth.

I had an incident this week that was rather enlightening which will help to illustrate my point.  Because this friend of mine communicates differently than I, I misinterpreted (for a long time) what his silence meant.  For me, my learned pattern was that silence was not a great thing – it usually implied anger and rejection.  Using this old template, I interpreted my friend’s silence in the same way, and my interpretation manifested as a sadness in my heart that I carried around with me.  Sadness came from caring about/for this person and feeling the ditch of misunderstanding between us.  How interesting when a door opens a little!  The wonderful thing about communication is that it leads to understanding of not only the other person, but of ourselves and where we jump when there is something we don’t fully understand.

I could never quite totally “get” the “theory” that people would share with me about feelings being a choice one makes, but they are if there is a willingness to see what filters are bending an event.  For me, they were old filters.  Seeing this clearly allowed me to release it.

When we communicate with each other, we come to see that we are mirrors for each other.  What are we creating within ourselves and with those we care about?  Here is a neat video that touches on some of these issues and goes a little further.  I’m sorry that it ends a little abruptly but you can access the next one on Youtube; watch for the link.  (cont’d…below)


I am doing a lot of releasing work right now. I am grateful for all the insights this is bringing me and I will be posting further on this.

Thank you for reading along and, as always, I wish you a bright and beautiful day!

Love,
Nancy 🙂

Thank you to all those who let their Light shine!

So, Who are you?


At some point in our lives, most of us have stopped to wonder…”Who am I?”  I don’t mean what you do, if you have a six pack or knew Tupac, who you’re married to or who you slept with, if you had a zillion-dollar mansion, tons of toys, and 24Kt gold faucets… I mean – if you took all the “stuff” away – would you be okay?  At the core, would you still feel tall, strong, worthwhile and Loving/Loveable?

I subscribe to Neale Donald Walsch’s daily notes.  I love them because, often, they are succinct and spot on with something I am feeling or thinking about.   Here is a note I received recently….

On this day of your life, Nancy, I believe God wants you to know…

…that you are loved on this day for all the wonder that you bring to your world with the gift of being you.

Hard to believe, isn’t it, that you are that special in the eyes of God? Yet you are–and not because of what you have done, but because of who you are. You are God’s own creation, an expression of Divinity in human form.  The fastest way to experience this is to be the vehicle through which others sees it in themselves. Each person is walking his or her path and doing his or her best. God knows this and that is why God loves you all.

Sometimes, we need little nudges to remind us that we are Loving, spiritual Beings and not just physical bodies climbing up Maslow’s pyramid.  We need to remember that the mere chance of our existence is so miniscule as to be the near equivalent of a microscopic dust particle in the entirety of Universes we are, at present, aware of… and there will be many more unveiled in years to come, I am sure.  Just to be conceived is a sheer miracle.  When we pass, our Spirit leaves the body and travels on somewhere else.  Who were we while we were here?  What did we stand for?  What moved our hearts that we made better?  Who did we Love?  What was beautiful to us?

Think about that.  No matter what people may have said about you, in their non-understanding, it is imperative to hold your True, Spiritual self at the core of your heart.   Leave the tags and labels behind – they are meant to discourage and sink you – hold God’s mirror to your heart and go experience why you are here.  It may be to touch one life, millions of lives or to evolutionize your own.

And, for the record, please know that when I speak of God, I know there are many, many names used through all the belief systems – please fill in the blank with what you choose, if any!

If you are interested in daily spiritual nuggets, you can check out Neale’s site:  http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com/index.php?p=Signup

Love,

Nancy


Love re-clothes a sharing moment.


I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to take part in an interesting healing group that ran for 12 weeks.  One of the things we would do was to speak about the old thoughts/hurts we were carrying around, often for most of our lives, and often those which had never been shared before – because of shame, guilt, fear, etc.  It takes a tremendous amount of trust to share deep places like this and it feels very scary to do so, leaving the sharer feeling “naked” and vulnerable.  This is where Love comes into the wonderful healing process that is used in this program.

When something is shared, the other group members do something that re-builds and “re-clothes” that person who is risking safety in sharing, in NOT staying silent any longer.   Each person consciously gives feedback – offering words that acknowledge that person’s pain, courage, strength, etc. and expressing their own feeling(s) about the situation (ie:  I feel angry that you were treated that way.  You did not deserve that.).  It is in this reflection that the sharer finds a place in the group, empathy for a painful experience, and a sense of trust that it IS okay to share and take a step forward.

I mention this because there are many times when our friends share things with us.  Sometimes, we don’t know what to say but want to say something – the “right” thing.  That can sometimes lead to silence.  Silence in a tender sharing moment can leave the sharer feeling regretful about sharing because it is a vulnerable moment.  The silence can feel like they are being judged or not understood (and therefore hurt) again.  You can help make the experience a healing and Loving one by giving conscious feedback.  It’s best not to tie it into an experience you had right away though.  Let the person sharing finish what they need to share and then move forward.  This is a wonderful healing, Loving, growing place to share, whenever needed.

Your comments and/or questions are welcome.  Feel free to add your thoughts in the comment box below.

Shine Brightly!!

Nancy


*Time, Patience and the Butterfly

butterflies_16Birth of a Butterfly (click me) ……

I would like to share a story that was shared with me recently. It speaks of the sacred journey of being born into our lives. From a human perspective, some of us realize this early on; some of us realize this later in life. No matter when it happens, the point is that it does happen. It’s never too late to love yourself, your life, and find your place in the world. The birth of self – knowing who you are, what you value, and what your purpose is – means that we have fulfilled the unique gift of life that we were blessed with.
It takes faith, hope and patience to get there but the difference is we are no longer trapped in a cocoon; rather, we are free to fly.

A woman found the cocoon of a butterfly and she set it on a table in her sunporch, to observe it. One day, she noticed that a small opening had appeared. She sat and watched the butterfly as it struggled to force it’s body through that little hole, but then it seemd to stop altogether. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it had and it could go no further.

The woman decided to help the butterfly, so she took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The woman continued to watch the butterfly because she expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand in order to support it’s body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings and was never able to fly.

What the woman, in her kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into it’s wings so that it would be ready for flight, once free from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. And, we might never fly.